Isn't it funny how you can be so close and be on such intimate terms with a group of people, and at the same time not have any idea on how to truthfully communicate?
You hear what you expect to from what someone usually says. And then the intentions get lost. And people can only do what they know to do. And conversations will circulate for years. Each person feels their own specific kind of pain. And then there's love. SO much love.
Him: "Rain?! Noooo, not on your birthday!"
Me: *cackles due to cuteness
So technically I didn’t watch the end due to the amount of weeping and gnashing of teeth.
I've been spending ALL my free time going through 'The Best of Tumblr' tumblr. I'm on page 315. I WILL reach the end. And also watching all of Kylie Jenner's vines. I'm turning 31 next week.
• Thinkin about building my own upholstered headboard.
• Cutting out coffee and soda as much as possible (due to braces, and less sugar for better health in general)
• Wondering about what I want to do in life. Back to school??
• Paring down belongings. (Trip 1 to Goodwill done. Now need to try to sell things at Crossroads) Simpler, cleaner life.
• Listen to more music, and watch less Netflix. (This one is hopeless. Netflix rules my life, but I'd like to get back into music again, too.)
- This is turning out to be a list of the year's resolutions, lol. Now, onto the resolutions I know I will keep -
• Will no longer hold back whenever I want to buy a plant. Whatever! Plants make me happy and I love taking care of my babies. Sometimes my suffocating love kills them, but I think I'm learning to let go a little bit and let them grow up and go to school on their own sometimes.
• Drink more wine.
• Enjoy my life more.
I happened to spend an evening this weekend with old high school friends in a setting and atmosphere we hadn’t been in together for a long time. It was fun. Some parts were new, and some felt familiar, and it made me remember what a time we all used to have. It made me remember all these old things from the past. Specifically old me from the past.
It’s all a kind of mish mash. Of being glad I was the kind of person I was to have this group of friends. Of being kind of embarrassed about how I was, of wanting to tell my young self to relax, calm down, to have a wider mindset, to feel more empathy, to be less insecure, be more confident. Of telling myself to relax about thinking of me in the past lol, that is just how I had to be as a teenager, that’s what youth is. To constantly be in your own little world inside your head, have every new thing be SO dramatic and to dwell on things SO much. I had to be in that place in order to get to who I am today.
I’m thankful that at this point in my life, I am happy with the kind of person I’ve grown into. I’m glad I’m so different, I’m glad I’m the same. Things aren’t perfect, but I am the most happy with my life than I’ve ever been.