Nightmare Journal

I dreamt I was with a friend in a combination of a big Goodwill store and an old kinda Victorian house. We were browsing things, and a little girl and her Mom were a little farther way.

We were going up and down these aisles of large shelves filled with little used toys and trinkets, and the little girl was doing the same thing behind us. My friend was sort of this blurry presence around that slowly faded away, and then it was just me going up and down these aisles.

The little girl would find some little toy and leave it for me, and then I would do the same for her. This happened a few times, and then I had trouble finding something that I liked enough to show her. Finally I found something and left it out for her, but she never left something for me again.

I got worried and felt bad that I took so long to find something, and then I found her mother. She was upset at me, asking me why did I leave these toys, and I think the little girl was now dead. Then I find an old toy that she had once left for me, and when I touch it I'm transported back in time at the little girl and her mother's house. The toys that I left to show her appear in the house, and the mother would get freaked out and take them away, only for them to show up again, held in the little girl's arms. She would tell the daughter that the toys are bad. And then she would see me (in the past) and tell her to leave her daughter alone, that she got a puppy to protect the daughter.

So I guess I was a ghost that was haunting this little girl and she liked me but I was also somehow involved in her death.
This weekend Jamie and I trimmed Lee's nails for the first time ourselves. It was extremely nerve-wracking for all of us but I'm SO proud we did it that I relive it over and over again lol. I'm going to leave him alone for the next week and pamper him like fuck!
Parts of a letter that Edgar Allen Poe wrote to James Russell Lowell in 1844. I found it so moving.

Man is now only more active — not more happy — nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago. The result will never vary — and to suppose that it will, is to suppose that the foregone man has lived in vain — that the foregone time is but the rudiment of the future — that the myriads who have perished have not been upon equal footing with ourselves — nor are we with our posterity.

Things I'll do when I get these braces off

- Eat finger foods in public with no anxiety
- Drink all the tea
- And all the coffee
- Wear lipstick
- Floss my teeth in 5 minutes instead of 15
- Eat ramen without gagging on noodles
- Kiss without fear of injuring my victim

Blackbirds

A few months ago I was super into jumping rope as a fitness activity. I would walk over to the middle school nearby and exercise on their playground. This one day I was jumping rope under the trees and there were ALL these blackbirds (crows? I don't know) in the trees that would not stop squawking. Clearly I was bothering them, so I moved to be underneath some other trees and some of the birds would fly over to them instead. Trolls! So, I left. Fuckin' birds.

Personal? Let's get personal?

I've had a steady job for over 5 years now. Un-steady-ish job/s for over 7 years now. That doesn't sound personal. But wait. I kind of feel like I am stuck there. The position is just so that it's difficult to level up in some other position. The ones that were possible are now closed up. I could go back to school... but money!! Insurance! Money! And a very important lack of direction, like what would I even go back to school for?

That's the job front. Personal life is pretty good. Family life is freaking awesome sometimes, okay other times, awful other times. Love life is... better than I ever would have hoped for when I was young and naive and only had romantic thoughts.

More immediately... this week I have been working from home. Something I never thought was even a possibility with my job. So it's been awesome! Mostly I have been taking this opportunity to train my hair to not need a wash every single day. That's the mission. Also, I will be turning 32 this Friday. I started blogging when I was 17, the age when I was naive and only had romantic thoughts. So.. that's 15 years. Horrifying.

Ok, that's it for now. Until next time.


Literally, everyone's trademark is their cat eye. I'm wondering what the next trend will be with eyeliner. I can't think of anything better than a good little wing.